Learn to Unlearn: (1) Fear

If someone asked me, “What do you fear the most?” I would say: I fear fear itself.

When fear arrives, it feels like hope fades. Motivation disappears. The possibilities shrink. And yet, I’ve come to realise: fear exists for a reason — to protect us. The challenge is, most of the fear we carry is not about real danger. It is learned.

Where Fear Begins

When we were little, we were fearless. We tried. We failed. We laughed. We tried again.

But as we grew, we began to hear the voices of caution and judgment:

“Don’t do that.”

“What will happen if you fail?”

“Be careful.”

Slowly, we learned to hold back. Not because life taught us fear, but because others taught us what fear should look like. And the imagined fear became bigger than the real one.

How I Learned to Unlearn Fear

One shift that changed everything for me was this: I started reflecting on the times I acted even when I was afraid.

When I pause and look back, I see it clearly: The job I applied for, even though I feared rejection. The moment I spoke up, even though I feared judgment. The decision I made, even though I feared failure.

And do you know what I discovered? Those were the moments that expanded me the most. Those were the times I achieved more than I expected, stretched my capacity, and discovered a deeper part of who I am. That’s why I feel grateful, not for the fear itself, but for my courage in the face of it.

Use F.E.A.R. to Unlearn Fear

Here’s the model I now use whenever fear shows up. It’s simple, memorable, and turns fear into a tool for courage.

🌿 The F.E.A.R. Model

F – Facts: What is really happening right now?

Fear thrives on “what if.” Coming back to the facts grounds us in reality.

E – Examine: What’s the worst that could happen — and would it truly harm me?

Most fears are uncomfortable, not dangerous. Examining them takes away their power.

A – Action for Growth: What can I learn or discover about myself if I do this anyway?

This turns fear into a gateway for expansion and self-discovery.

R – Reflection: How will I feel tomorrow, knowing I chose courage today?

Looking ahead gives perspective — and often shows us that courage today creates gratitude tomorrow.

Gratefulness Turns Fear Into Growth

When I look back, I’m grateful for the moments I moved through fear. Because each one expanded my life. Each one reminded me that I am capable of far more than I thought. So unlearning fear isn’t about pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about remembering: fear shows up, but courage expands us. And when we choose courage, we always meet more of ourselves.

Next time fear appears, pause. Use the F.E.A.R. to unlearn fear. Ask yourself the questions. And if you take even one step forward despite the fear, reflect later and notice how much you grew in that moment. That reflection is where the gratitude lives.

Remember: unlearning fear isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being grateful for the courage that carries us forward.